Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Arguing, flying vampire-zombie judges in school. (dream)

Image in the public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

I'm at an elementary school. I have to take a class in a room I've never been in. I'm enrolled here and I was ordered to. Although I'm not looking forward to it, I head down the hallway towards the classroom.

I turn the corner, push through the red double doors and find myself in a large lecture hall. The room is full of loud vampires jabbering at each other in ragged, barking staccato all over the room. There have to be a hundred of them. Their dead flesh seems to decay over the desks they hover at. Although their flesh is fish gray and they aren't quite human, they're alive in their own way. They fly in swirls along the ceiling and across the pew-like desks. They engage in heated discussions. Their affairs are conducted with such bombast, they don't notice me gawking at them.

I regret coming and dread having to stay. I'm not aware of what they do or how they do it. All I know is that I don't like them. But my being ordered to come here wasn't a mistake. This is something I am supposed to go through while I am in this program.

One of the gray-faced, black clad vampires flies up to me and yanks a fist full of my hair, pulling my head towards it. He holds my head steady with one clawed hand. Before I can react or drop the books under my arm, he jams a coin into my forehead, penetrating my skull. He pulls it out and sees what comes out attached to it.

It's his job to examine the goo, like the entrails of a sacrificial animal. He's a type of priest-bureaucrat with legal rights and responsibilities, and he does this routinely.


Geez... this is how I feel about college- jamming information in and examining what comes out.

I'm starting to enjoy studying what I am more, so I'm surprised I would have this dream at this point in time. The other day, I woke up and I thought, "There's nothing else I'd rather get out dressed and leave the house for than to do this. I wouldn't rather get a cup of coffee... I wouldn't rather to go to a friend's house... I wouldn't rather to go to the beach. There's nothing else I'd rather do today than to go to these lectures and to interact with this material." It feels very odd, although I've always tried to throw myself whole-heartedly into whatever I've decided to study or work at. I thought my interest in doing anything but art or writing was long gone, and that those were pointless to study in an academic setting anyway. I just don't seem to like academic settings: expensive, sometimes poorly-made or arbitrary tests, rigid rules, inflexible time-schedules,  risking taking on a lot of debt rapidly, the constant lack of time to truly read, research and practice the material, which then leads up to the fear of not knowing what to do and the dread of having to do it poorly.

But unlike a lot of my other majors or dabblings, I don't see any other way to learn what I would like to. There's no way I would be exposed to a lot of material that's changed my outlook on life without going through conventional college classes like these. I also couldn't learn what I want and what I didn't know I want without the social validation that allows me to pause my misemployment for a while to do something that actually makes life a valuable experience. So it's worth the discomfort.

I'm not sure why the zombies are vampires or why they're arguing so loudly and nastily. They seem money and rule-oriented (that's what they were arguing about), so perhaps that's what I generally feel about the overall bureaucratic structure of college: money vampirism. Flight in this case indicates the ability to act at a distance (through paperwork or e-mails).