Monday, June 20, 2016

Sledding after getting mad at an ex-boss; Kierkegaard. (dream)

By 4028mdk09 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons


I'm visiting one of my old jobs. My former boss is obese, uncomfortable just walking to the soda machine a few steps away. He's wearing the primary red shirt and matching, impractical, only-ever-to-be-worn-indoors baseball cap that reeks of chain restaurant.

He's talking and talking about many values he wants to impose on others, and although I think that's fine at first, those values seem increasingly narrow-minded. Everything he says suggests that he hasn't understood a diversity of perspectives- most alarmingly, the perspectives of people in his community, like his employees and customers.

I feel words, thoughts and impressions building in me- a ball of energy circulating in a conic vortex near my throat. I don't feel as though I can escape. I have to stand there and listen to this garrulous man. But I see so many holes in the things he wants all the people around him to take as axioms. What angers me is how they're consistently mindsets and beliefs that subtly help to further his own personal gains in small, petty ways at far heavier costs to large groups of other people.

When I get to about 10 or 20 different holes in his assumptions and see that he has no interest in checking those, it starts driving me crazy. I don't even know why he wants me there. It's like I'm supposed to absorb him.

Do restaurants even need to exist?- certainly not as many of them do- nor do they even need to be staffed by people, even if people do need or want a place to gather, eat, relax, study, etc., outside of their homes. But my God, he takes selling junk food at 50% above cost seriously... herding people and bending them to his schedules and expectations. But his rationale starts going down a long path that keeps on branching further and further away from what really matters. He seems to feel entitled to interrupt anyone's lives without appropriate compensation.

He says the first thing that comes to mind, and although it's technically inoffensive by itself, I find it insulting based on the association of ideas he's speaking out of. I don't have to work here or live in this area. I'm just an observer who's going to be here and gone, so I have no stake in this. But after a long time, I finally blurt out: "You should be nicer about what you say. Because people remember some of it- maybe for a long time."

I have painted a very poor word painting, but at the same time, I feel selfishly vindicated. I've said what I felt like saying, even though it was inaccurate, kind of ridiculous and definitely spiteful, failing to actually communicate all that was on my mind.

Then I am on an enormous, clear, snowy hill and go sledding with friends and classmates from elementary school. We have a great time!


I wrote a paper dealing with Kierkegaard. This particular type of battle of personalities makes me think of him. And that got me started looking at all kinds of philosophy videos.

I'm thinking about cleaning up and posting some of my old undergraduate papers since they won't be of any use elsewhere in the future. If I do, I'll post them on my Weebly site.

I've also been dreaming about snow non-stop, which is odd since it never snows in California and the Christmas season is far, far away. In this case, the snowy hill symbolizes a feeling of release in the cold- the warmth of friendship in a frozen wasteland.

The dream restaurant looked like a fusion of several restaurants I've worked at before. I'd never had the man in the dream as an employer. He looked and felt like a fusion of several of both my and other people's bosses I've either observed or heard about, in-person, online or by through social media. There were a couple features in the man's face that were similar to a few old boss's, but it was an abstracted role that the dream-person symbolized.