Thursday, December 15, 2016

Anchored to the floor on my back like a beetle. (dreams)

Image by Pbtflakes (Own work) [FAL], via Wikimedia Commons


I need to get up to go to school. It's not a low-stakes, missing out on attendance points sort of day. I have to be there, and I don't remember why, but something urgent is compelling me to get up.

I'm too exhausted to remember clearly or think too much. All that's important is getting up and moving. I can trust my body to automatically go where I need to be at this hour of the morning when I've woken up so unnaturally.

I'm sitting on the edge of my futon, and hoist my backpack on to my back. I start to stand up, but I tip backwards like a beetle back onto the bed. I scrunch my stomach muscles and try to sit upright, but I can't get up! I try to turn onto my side to use my legs to help me, but that doesn't work either! I'm just stuck.

My friend is at the edge of the bed watching me try to get up and waiting for me so he can drive us to school, but I can't!

It's starting to get embarrassing. I lie there and flail while I worry about how I haven't studied enough and am probably going to fail and none of the people I'm physically surrounded by at school are going to understand. Flashes of hunches about their reactions flash before my mind and I just keep struggling like a tipped box turtle.


I do have a backpack which is so heavy I've developed little spurs at the edges of my collarbones. But there's only one final left! And I look forward to studying for that one. ^_^

What a difference having just one extra day to study makes in terms of leaving the class with a positive impression of the material and the field and the likelihood of good marks. Grades are that arbitrary. One day or an hour of extra sleep or a friend to help can be the difference between an "A" or a "C."

I had to cram three finals and a paper into two days after struggling to catch up with homework. I had to make a decision: study enough to get a good grade in one of two challenging classes and let the chips fall where they may on the other one. Or do mediocre in both classes.

I stopped being able to communicate with one instructor about half-way into the semester, whereas I was able to get into deeper and deeper and deeper conversations with the other one, so I picked that class to focus on. I paid for it on the test, but I can't say I have regrets about the choice. I wish I didn't have to feel as though I had to look at the situation in that manner, but that's how it goes. I was simply too tired to keep up the pace I started the semester with.

But one of the most interesting aspects of the dream was how the friend trying to help me up was not someone I recognized. He was Hispanic and about 30 years old. He doesn't remind me of anyone I know, but in the dream, I knew him intimately. I'm not sure what to think of vividly-invented friends in dreams. He had a solid personality and bodily presence to him.