Feeling afraid in my friend's glamorous New York City apartment. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm staying by myself in a friend's gorgeous, spacious New York City apartment. I love this place, but I'm alone, and there's a background of fear all the time in my mind as I worry about the apartment being broken into--especially at night. 

Then another friend comes over, and we watch a movie on the couch together. She seems to have forgotten that she's gay. I remember, and I see lots of little markers in the things she says that might let her know that she's gay, but she doesn't recognize them. I don't think I should tell her. I don't think she's ready to know yet. 

INTERPRETATION

The friend who doesn't remember that she's gay part is a little bit of a mystery to me other than perhaps recognizing friends that have wished to not be gay and sometimes try to forget that that's a significant aspect to who they are. 

But the part about being terrified in an apartment feels very connected to my real life right now. I go through cycles of intense anxiety. It started after my first really big bout of psychosis. I'm going through another anxiety cycle right now. I just keep reminding myself that I'm dedicating myself to living a life that doesn't include an unnecessary amount of fear. 

I've talked this out with my therapist, and in my opinion, nothing is worth going through level 10 anxiety. Maybe level 5 anxiety is okay in some cases just to keep me alert and energized. But anything above a 5 is something I want to recognize within myself and address with things like mindfulness, digging into the root causes of the fears, exploring the worst case scenario, reminding myself that it's counterproductive to fear suffering and pain (it will come, and you just have to learn to become an expert at managing it), and deliberately releasing tension in my body with awareness, exercise, or meditation. 

It's sometimes very hard though. 

The ocean creatures living in my foot. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm in bed. It's winter. I'm watching TV. 

I don't notice my cat until he has clung to the side of my thigh for dear life. He's wrapped tight and I love him. My mom says she bets I haven't even fed the cats. This offends me. It's like she's saying I'm a bad cat mom. I say it's only 5 a.m. She says she feeds them at 4 a.m. I get out of bed. 

I live in a mansion with red carpeting. I go down the hall and banter with a servant who hands me a bucket of food. I go to the fireplace and mix 3 different kinds of wet cat food together as the cats swirl around me. The food looks odd. It's very gelatinous. I consider why this might be. Is this just a new style of cat food I'm unfamiliar with?

I have dumped and mixed the food in the cats' bowls when two other servants approach with a large pleather cloth stretched out between them. I stand and allow them to dress me in it. It's a bright red snakeskin dress that hugs my curves. 

My husband sees, and he tries to undress me. My husband is doughy, middle aged and lumpy. I am disgusted by his advances. 

He's hurt, but accepts it. 

I leave and see what looks like a small horn on my foot with a little sea fan on top. It looks like an ocean coral. I take tweezers and pull it off. It leaves a large hole in my foot. I take another coral-looking thing  off. There are giant blue microorganisms the size of my fist underneath, moving and squirming around--reaching their tentacles out to explore the world. There are also large, soft, gray chunks in the hole in my foot. My cat starts to sniff the organism, and I'm really scared for her, so I shoo her away and bag the organism to throw it all away someplace safe. The back of my foot looks like an empty leather sack.

INTERPRETATION

Hmmm. Well, I think that when I was in my twenties, and even in my teens (call Chris Hansen and send him back in time), I would feel considerably more powerful and desirable, sexually, than the middle aged men who would constantly approach me (in the dream, I was clothed in the incredible red dress). Unless they really kept themselves unusually fit and healthy for their age (and weren't married or in a relationship, which they often were), it always felt so outrageous for someone of about 40-60 years of age to approach me, sexually, at my young age. But I don't feel dramatically mismatched with single, middle aged people anymore at my age and in my condition! I feel kind of gross, really (like the infected, leather foot in the dream). And my health is only fair. 

This is just a dream digging into the subconscious though. I think that in real life, it's good to have enough self-esteem to ask out someone you're interested in, even if they're intimidating for whatever reason. Plenty of relationships with an age gap work out fine. But I would just challenge certain people to ask why they think they should be with someone dramatically younger or very unevenly matched. Are they trying to make their romantic partners status symbols? Do they believe that having a more youthful partner would boost their self-esteem for a while? That's not a recipe for happiness for either person. 

Stuff your Kindle day! (news)

Image by Midjourney

Well, I hope you're settling down after Christmas like I am! I dreamed that I ate kimchi for the first time and swung from a series of Christmas trees that were like 40 ft tall.

My own eBook giveaway has just ended, but if you are a fan of the romance genre, you might want to enter "stuff your kindle day free" in Amazon's search bar to find lots of free romance eBooks--today only! (Well, I've heard that some people have their books up for a couple days before and after, but in theory, it's a one-day event.)

I've only just heard of this event, but apparently, it happens four days per year. 

Here's an interesting (huge) list of some of the books available right now: https://www.romancebookworms.com/kindle 

And here's the official Amazon page. It's organized a little bit into categories (although even within the categories, the books usually have a romance element): https://www.amazon.com/b?ie=UTF8&node=120788079011

FREE humorous eBook from now until December 26th: SATYR PLAYS!

 

Image by Midjourney

Download yourself a little Christmas treat! SATYR PLAYS: free for the Kindle right now until midnight, 12/26/23: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ2CH4MT

You do not have to sign up for Kindle Unlimited to download this book to your Kindle account! Ignore the "Read for Free" button and click either the "Buy Now for Free" button in the app on your phone, or click the "Buy now with 1-Click" button on your computer.

About the book:

Written like a sitcom acted out on the page, this collection of nineteen humorous short stories follows the adventures of Matt and Sandi, whose submarine from the Lost City of Atlantis has crashed. Now the pair must figure out how to make a living in New York City despite having nothing but dry wit and each other.

The dramatists of Ancient Greece had a tradition. After a long day of heavy, dramatic plays, they would bring out the comedians, dressed as satyrs, to mock and make merry with the material that came before it. These were called the satyr plays.

​​​​​​​These are the Satyr Plays of the Lost Atlantis novel series. No knowledge of the original dramatic story is necessary to enjoy this book, which marks a significant departure from the material that inspired it.

Merry Christmas, my friend! I hope you are happy and at peace this holiday season! I know it's a sad time for some, and if so, please remember that this season will pass quickly. But if you love Christmas like I do, remember also: it will pass quickly! 

SATYR PLAYS--now available as an eBook! (Giveaway from the 22nd to the 26th!)

Now available on Amazon at: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ2CH4MT

I would like to present to you my first comedic book! This is a short story collection establishing a sitcom-like alternate universe to Lost Atlantis. I hope it's at least entertaining, even if the jokes don't always land.

I wasn't too concerned about whether or not anyone would read my Lost Atlantis series. I wrote that mainly for myself. But this book is different. This book is like me saying, "I want you to like me. Please!!!" I really want people to enjoy it!

I'm doing the usual eBook giveaway from 12 a.m. 12/22/23 to 11:59 p.m. 12/26/23 (Pacific Time). A lot of people prefer physical books, and I also need physical copies for in-person stuff, so those will be for sale soon too. I just have to review and approve the proof, which will probably take 1-3 weeks provided that there are no major problems. Alas, I do not have a giveaway planned for physical copies, except to a couple of free little libraries.

If you decide to read this book and you like it, please tell a friend about it and leave an honest review if you're comfortable doing that. It would really help me out! Even if you can't, thank you for reading my work!

Merry Christmas!

My thoughts on the movie, "Dream Scenario," and arguing about Buddhism.

Image by Midjourney

I watched Dream Scenario, and I actually dreamed about Paul Matthews (Nicholas Cage) several times that night. He was always in the distance dancing. So it wasn't quite like the movie, but it was similar enough to be kind of funny.

Anyways. After those little dreams, I had a different dream. 

My parents and YouTuber Ethan Nestor and I walk through a factory. I pass by some old coworkers.

"Film is okay..." I say somewhat dismissively to them.

My coworker's face turns into a frown. I've never known people more passionate about film, so I get it: I've provoked them, perhaps deliberately or impulsively. I'm not sure. I don't understand myself well enough to know.

I see new workers in the lunch room. It's like watching a Mr. Rogers documentary on the workplace. It looks clean and organized. Everyone's wearing a uniform, and no one looks miserable. 

Then I get into a yelling match with one of the workers about Buddhism and feel horribly judged for getting angry. I know that a major part of Buddhism is soothing anger and being mindful of hatred and anger. I've heard it called an ignorant addiction. It destroys the clarity of your thinking, but the adrenaline and the power rush gets you high and it becomes a habit. But I get in this yelling match anyway, and I know she knows I label myself as a Buddhist, and I know she knows about the philosophy of Buddhism, so it's humiliating. 

Then my parents, Ethan and me drive off to a building that dumps books into car windows like a slot machine. Ethan's infectious laughter rings throughout the car as books pour into his lap. I am proud that he will know that I grew up well-read and surrounded by books, because my parents initiated this trip. So it would be natural for him to assume that they've always done this. I like him and want to be liked by him.

INTERPRETATION

You know, I was never bored when I was watching Dream Scenario, so I think that's a kind of success, but I do have some issues with the film. 

For one thing, I was annoyed to see yet another Hollywood representation of mental illness as a root cause of violence. I would say that you can't be mentally well and commit violence. You have to be both suffering and ignorant of others' suffering to be violent. But you definitely don't have to have a mental illness. Most people with mental illnesses are just minding their own business, staying quiet to avoid further discrimination and trauma. It might be harder to manage diabetes than a lot of mental illnesses, especially if the community decides to be supportive with well-funded programs to get people with mental illnesses therapy, housing, and medication. (Which doesn't always happen, but inserting that stereotype about the violent mentally ill person into yet another story just really bugged me.)

Another thing that bothered me about the film was... No one has empathy for this man appearing in everyone's dreams? I find that pretty unrealistic. I think that there truly are good people in the world who will at least give thoughts and prayers even if they don't feel as though they can do any material work to help someone who is suffering. If no one has empathy for you, I'd say you're probably hallucinating, dreaming, or somehow distorted in your thinking about your situation. Or you're in this movie.

Overall, I thought that the film was kind of like an interesting thought experiment about cancel culture and fame, but it was missing some important perspectives.

I did think the lack of empathy for Paul Matthews' apology video was thought-provoking. Whenever I can select the group of people I spend my time with, I will often forget just how narcissistic the general population is. I get the impression from comments online and from hearing drama YouTubers speak that a lot of people have very, very grand expectations for apologies. They want all of their hurting points to be addressed to their personal satisfaction, when that's usually not reasonable. The person apologizing isn't a mind-reader, and probably isn't thinking clearly even if they do know what's on people's minds. A lot of people won't even admit they're wrong at all, so I'm often surprised when people don't recognize the amount of emotional labor it takes for someone to admit that they've hurt someone. 

And Nicholas Cage still has pretty eyes. 

Anyway, back to the dream.

I think the fact that I'm getting into arguments with both old and new people in my life is interesting. I guess in real life, I'm concerned about not following everything I hear about how Buddhism is supposed to be. I'd guess that that's because I had to be extremely alert and cautious about what I'd say and do with regard to all things wearing the Christian label growing up. I still tip toe around that subject because I did meet some good people in church who I still try to maintain relationships with, and I do try to maintain relationships with my family of origin. 

There's a pride/humiliation theme going on in the dream, which I think has to do with some internal need to have others view me a certain way. Growing up, I needed to be seen as a good Christian girl, or I would face brutal, relentless punishment. Not being able to be myself might have gotten me caught up in a habit of trying to get other people to see me a certain way, which can be an ego thing as well as just a memory of blind terror for my safety. This dream could be warning me that they might be entwined in my life.

I'm not even posting about some of the heavier dreams I've been having. But I'm definitely having some very heavy ones the more I pursue my spirituality. 

I get involved with Nicholas Cage at a wedding. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm at a Victorian/Boho styled wedding, but it's also a murder mystery film set. 

The bride is very much so into the new age. She talks about casting spells and horoscopes as she runs around her wooden mansion in the woods--frantic.

She's preoccupied with getting the guests their appetizers, and organizing the wedding, and the cinematographers, and the actors. I, however, am preoccupied with a guest: Nicholas Cage. To my surprise, Nicholas doesn't seem to mind hanging out with me. After a while, it's pretty clear that we have a little bit of a connection going on. We exchange some kisses--serious, romantic ones. We become each other's "default people" when we walk into a room.

But then, my crush from when I was sixteen arrives to the wedding party, and woah boy, I am instantly smitten with him. I yearn for him. I ache for him. He's the only thing I can focus on. In the end, I approach him with a romantic proposition and he accepts. Mega star Nicholas Cage was not enough to lure me away from the simple purity of first love. I knew I was probably the thousandth option a big movie star like him had, and although I was surprised that he had some affection for me, I knew it wasn't that intense, burning, all-consuming, insane love from high school, and could never be. 

INTERPRETATION 

I think it's really funny that I had this dream while Nicholas Cage has the movie Dream Scenario out in theaters. I haven't seen it myself, but the premise of the movie is funny. Nicholas Cage plays a man who keeps appearing in everyone's dreams, and the people get mad at him when the dreams turn into nightmares. I keep seeing the ads for it online, so maybe that's why I had this dream. Maybe I'll go see that film this week!

I've been having dreams about yearnings from my youth lately though. It's painful, but it has that sweet feeling of nostalgia a lot of the time.

I'm thinking about who I would go for in real life, and... I'm not entirely sure! I think I would go for Nicholas Cage partly because he was there first. Partly because I get this weird sense that we have more similar personalities than me and my crush did. That's less mysterious, but more... comfortable? Also, I was already in a relationship of sorts with him, and I didn't have to pursue him. It was a mutual pursuit. There's less risk there. 

But the purity of my love for my old crush was so intense. It's hard to imagine feeling that way about someone again. That naive openness to giving and receiving love, once folded or crushed, is very hard to get back to the way it was. I can't decide if it's better that way or not.

The man in my house telling me I can't do anything. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm in a house with my parents, and we want to travel from our rural area to another location closer to the city. 

We're with a really, really cynical, unpleasant guy who doubts everything we try to do and vocalizes his doubts about us--a lot. 

I forgot that we need to take our cat, and so I bring her from our old, permanent house into the newer house. The cynical man says bringing the cat along will never work. I tell him it will work, and easily too. I bring the cat's litter box into the house. 

A red bowling ball comes down from a chute in the ceiling, and I give it to the cynical man to hold to keep him occupied. 

Then the house breaks off from its foundation and it walks to the city.

I go into a studio where they're teaching comedy. The director adds me to a skit and asks me for ideas for humor with live goat kids. The goats come running from across the room. A black one jumps into my arms. He's pretty big and I rest on the floor to accommodate him.

I come up with a joke, but I don't like it that much, and I leave the troupe, mentally. Then I kick myself as rehearsal goes on, because I have a much better joke, but it's kind of late to add it. The show goes on before an audience, and I wonder if it could've been better, but I'm glad it's been made. 

INTERPRETATION

I think most of us have an annoying man who just stands there in our heads saying that what we do will never work. In the dream, I keep him occupied with a bowling ball. In real life, I think it's a lot harder to visualize the process of keeping him quiet. 

I've been reading about mindfulness for the past several weeks, and I really think it helps to take a step back and label thoughts. Then you either let the thoughts pass or choose to accept them. For example, you can notice that there's a lot of tension in your body, then step back and label a thought or a line of thinking as "worrying about the future," "craving junk food," or "angry thought." But you generally don't have to accept every thought and identify with it and let it change your mood and actions. 

Negative thoughts are just as a quirk of the human brain. They're sometimes realistic but oftentimes not. Maybe identifying with negative thoughts helps you out 1 in 10 times, but the other 9 times, they'll probably just make you miserable. 

I think the end of the dream just points out that it's much better for something imperfect to get made than to endlessly try to perfect something. 

The purple dragon of decision-making. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm in a darkened bar with blue accent lighting. I work here in some kind of management/ownership position. A small, flying purple dragon who is a regular customer of mine is drunk, and he flies behind the bar. A cat jumps up and eats it. I don't want to lose that regular income the dragon provides, so I try to get it out. 

I can't. I worry that I just haven't tried enough things. I heard from one of Louis C.K.'s interviews that if you put alcohol into a dog's mouth, it will make them throw up. But I really don't want to harm the cat. What if alcohol hurts cats and not dogs? What if I use the wrong type of alcohol? What if it hurts the dragon?

Fortunately, just by reaching into the cat's mouth, I can eventually pull the dragon out. It's not harmed. I think to myself, If this wasn't a dream, he'd have suffocated in the cat's stomach.

I go to another part of the bar with my parents--an outdoor area. I'm just showing them around when I see an impression start to wriggle upwards from the soil. Snakes pop out of the soft dirt floor. I analyze at them and declare them harmless. I put them in containers. I put one in a container with water. I say it's a Mississippi mud snake. But I doubt myself because something about his face looks like a gila monster, and those are desert animals. I categorize the other snakes as a garter snake, and a corn snake. 

Then I hear a rattle. One is a rattlesnake! I missed it! How could I have done that! Now it has my dad cornered and it's heading towards him. I tell my dad to run and he does, barely missing getting bitten. 

I survived that, but don't know what to do now about the snakes in my restaurant. The bar is packed with customers. 

Then I see on the TV that the wife of famous evangelist, Billy Graham, has killed herself. Some people were trying to break into her seven houses before she died. There's a TV special about the theives' lives. They were doing a lot of social engineering, but were also searching dumped databases to try to get to her assets. 

I'm high in the catwalk of a stage. I look down on some white horses with numbers on their flanks. We're still following the lives of this small team of crooks. The thieves have inside knowledge about how fast the horses need to be in order to win a contest with them. The trainer calls me down and asks me to help. 

He thinks that if we all speed our clicking noises and chewing, these horses will move through their marks faster. I look around, and all the girls handling the horses are chewing. We try it, all six or so of us and have a good laugh, but I agree that the trainer is on to something.

INTERPRETATION

This dream seems to be wrestling with the challenges of managing problems. I felt pretty relieved when the horse trainer came up with a solution to a problem instead of me. It was a different kind of stress at the very least to try to follow someone else's directions versus coming up with my own.

I often feel what I felt when I was trying to get the little dragon out of the cat. I often think I can't think fast enough because I haven't tried a wide enough variety of things, or that I'm going to harm someone or something, or that I'll ruin things through inaction because I'm too lazy. 

For example, I just had a flat tire, and I had no idea what to do. My initial thought was to tow the car to a tire shop, but then my stepfather told me I should use an air pump to inflate the tire, and if it's a slow leak, I can just drive it to the shop. Then my neighbor told me I should put my spare tire on, and he described how to do it. That didn't work out, because I bought my car used, and someone swiped the spare tire. Then my friend said I need to call roadside assistance. I tried that, but it wasn't on my insurance plan. I gave up and called a tow truck, which did work, but my therapist said I spent a lot of money I didn't need to, because the tire place upsold me four new tires and a warranty plan, when I could have just taken off the wheel and had someone drive me to the tire store. 

I bought the roadside assistance plan and added it to my insurance, so hopefully in the future, I can just get it towed for the $7 a month that the plan costs me, but sometimes, problems like this make my head spin. 

I'm also having challenges with thinking about getting a job that will downgrade my insurance. Will it end up being worth it? If it doesn't work out, it will set me back for who knows how long. This is one of the biggest problems with not having universal healthcare: you're tied to certain systems and it stifles innovation and entrepreneurship. 

I'm also attempting a certificate program right now that involves a lot of problem solving, not the least of which is how to structure my progress within the program. It's not as well-structured or as gameified as a college class. So it's not so much the actual coursework that gets to me as the life-management issues. I guess the emotional impact of problem-solving bookwork is a lot less severe, because you know that no matter what you do, it's not going to restrict your future lifestyle. 

I have other big life decisions I need to make. I don't like having to make these types of decisions. I guess part of my problem is that I keep thinking about what it would have been like had I done things another way when life is just going to unfold the way it unfolds. 

I don't know what I can learn from this. Maybe that living in the future (can I do better?) or the past (I should have done ___) instead of the present can really make you miserable. 

Eating pancakes when I'm dead. (dream)

Image by Ian Cv, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

DREAM

My best friend and I both die in a hotel, but it takes me a while to figure it out. I'm in an elevator. There was an accident in the elevator shaft. But when that settles down, I go to the ground floor, and no one seems to be able to tell that I'm there. I get out, and people still can't tell I'm there. They can't tell that my friend is there either. 

We're approached by another pair of friends: two black men who are strangers to us. They let us know that all four of us are dead. 

We go out into the world, and there are no other dead people like us. It's kind of unnerving. Where could they all be? 

Then someone alive sorta kinda seems to notice us. He sort of seems to be able to "smell" that we're there, but we stay just outside of his reach. He's spooked, and must sense we're following him at a distance, because sets up a Native American ritual of some kind, and we run away, because we know that might pull us into some kind of zone where we can both interact with each other. Who knows what might happen then?

We eat a breakfast of pancakes and French toast. Then we hop a ride in an empty taxi. I ask my friend if he'd like to go to Australia since we don't have to eat. He gets very uncomfortable and says, "no." I'm under the impression that it would be uncomfortable for him to go. I'm surprised, since I think we probably have a lot of time to kill. 

INTERPRETATION

The fact that we couldn't see any other dead people kind of reminds me of a pet theory I like to consider about aliens: they're there, they're just using some kind of technology to isolate us and hide everything from us.

The Icelandic civil war. (dream)

Image from Omnom's Instagram

DREAM

My father and his friend who lives with us go to Iceland to try to assist the King of Iceland with a civil war. 

Back home, I keep going on long bus rides with a friend, but I keep forgetting my money.

Her brother is helping me keep an eye on my father. He thinks he saw a secret door in the king's room.

My father and his friend come back. They say they the king took their gold and didn't explain what he was going to spend it on. They suspect that he will buy ice cream and chocolate with it and continue work on a statue made of that material. I mention the secret door, and they're upset. The king is not taking the war seriously. He's too crude with his use of his trident. He seems to forget that these people are his people, and he doesn't listen, killing and injuring them thoughtlessly. 

I imagine taking the trident and go through what I would do if I had it. 

At least now that they're back, my father's friend can change out of his pants, which are much, much too tight for him. He should have complained, but he is frugal and long suffering.

INTERPRETATION

Well, the tight pants thing is clear: I saw a show that night in which someone was late to work because they got stuck in their tight leather pants. 

And I think the money on the bus thing is related to how I keep leaving the house worried that I forgot my wallet. 

The King of Iceland making a statue out of chocolate and ice cream is probably related to how I follow Omnom Chocolate on social media. Omnom is an Icelandic chocolate company that I believe is branching out to making ice cream as well. Delicious, but very, very expensive here. I'm talking $10 for a regular-sized bar of chocolate.

I guess the whole thing about the king not paying attention to the complaints of his subjects, and hiding his money in a secret door is how I feel about all the complaining I see on YouTube about the American economy, while no real action is being taken to make things better. Or maybe I should just say that there are no resulting improvements that I can feel as someone on the lower rungs of society. 

A lot of personal symbolism to unravel. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I am talking to someone who grew up knowing my dad. I want to know if he was horrible towards them at some point and if what they experienced, even at a very small dose, was like what I experienced. I explain that I was trapped with him, because I needed intellectual companionship that wasn't available elsewhere. 

Then I want to test out buying a car. 

The people selling me a car are going to steal the car I want to trade in, and I know it. I want to rehearse what would happen if I brought a gun with me. 

I set up the purchase. I see a video about a lady getting charged with hysteria, even though she was right about having her car stolen. The lady taking my trade-in is an internet-famous astrologer, and wants to bring her 12 year old daughter. I take this as a sign of unprofessionalism. Perhaps even... criminality. 

I brought a gun, and point it at them, stopping traffic. The FBI and the cops arrive. They disarm me with a gentle discussion. I explain that they were in the middle of stealing from me. 

As I look around at all the trouble, I think to myself, This is supposed to be a thought experiment. It's not supposed to actually happen. 

INTERPRETATION

I don't get to talk about my dad often. The opportunity doesn't arise that often, and when it does, I can only recall a jumble of memories which were formed decades ago. All of the memories, even the positive ones, occurred alongside a fear and anger and an intense pain. So the memories tend to come through to me as very unclear. That's the main reason why I decided that I would make Lost Atlantis such a focal point of my life. I needed to get something down on paper about what he put me through that I didn't have words for before. 

I didn't unload everything there is to unload when I wrote Lost Atlantis, but I unloaded a lot. I feel much lighter in that area of my brain after having completed that journey. Now as an artist, I feel as though I can move on from fixating on that to other topics. Pivoting more into comedy as a writer just feels right. I feel a lot more free.

But many, many, many times, I have thought about what it would be like to ask other family members if he was horrible to them like he was to me. 

I wrote the first Lost Atlantis book--the most shocking one, just a couple years before my own life arguably had some real shocking moments of its own. And sometimes, I'd think to myself that all the shameful, challenging things that my character went through were only supposed to be a thought experiment about what it would be like to suffer very badly in the aftermath of an abusive childhood. I wasn't supposed to live such a tumultuous, harsh emotional life as an adult myself. But I suffered. Very deeply at times.

I haven't suffered nearly as much for these past several years. And the suffering I have felt generally hasn't been felt as sharply. Sometimes, looking back on my life feels like looking at a stranger. 

I become Catwoman when others refuse to assert their independence. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I am at a retreat, and my friend says that a lot of people don't want the daily task of caring for a pet, but he loves to nurture them. I pray a Buddhist-style blessing over him, saying things like "May you be happy, may you be free from physical and mental suffering, may you live with ease," but also saying, "May you never be conned." 

The retreat gets into gear. It combines the high emotionality and theatricality of Pentecostalism with theatre. A class of us analyze film and talk show business. 

I ask an actor what's wrong when he freezes. He doesn't go into detail when I prod him. I tell the head of the program that I hate what he's doing, because it tells me he dislikes something he senses other people will like, so he's afraid to stand alone. 

Then I imagine myself being perceived with this new identity of independence, like Catwoman. I try to imitate and nail her voice. Then a spaceship boards ours and tries to take our captain hostage. The captain refuses to go quietly, so the woman interrogating her transforms into an alien with huge claws. It looks like she is clawing out the captain's insides, but without doing physical damage. So it's all for show. 

The alien is called away. Then they board our ship and take us all hostage. 

In our cages, we pass notes to each other that now's the time to mutiny. Alternative notes are passed telling us not to do it, but we do, and the walls come shaking down. We win the hand to hand combat, then throw a bomb which destroys the alien ship in their dimension. But they're cloaking their damage, so we can't tell how much we've hurt them and how weak they've become. 

Their ship looks like a house in space now. We go through our own ship/house knocking on doors to assure the aliens aren't leaking into our dimension. 

Then I'm in a bunk bed, and I consider kicking the bedding out of the top to be the finest act of preserving a democracy.

INTERPRETATION

Wow, I think this is a pretty accurate description of the dream, because I recorded it right after waking up in the middle of the night, but it's all over the place. 

I think there are a lot of small, daily observations being made, like how nurturing people are often exploited, and how scared people can be about disagreeing with popular opinions, and how some people get prideful when they're hurt and try to hide their vulnerability.

I couldn't tell you anything about kicking the bedding off the top of a bunk bed. I did that a couple times as a little kid, and I guess it felt good. 

Learning from Tina Fey's "Superman" series. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm studying film at a community college, and the course is based off of videos of Tina Fey's TV show about Superman. I watch Superman fly around inside a giant volcano. 

I develop my own TV storyline in which I am a mutant with the traits of a cat. My tagline is "What makes you different makes you bleed."

INTERPRETATION

Hmmm, well, I'm not too sure about that edgy tagline, but the Tina Fey part makes sense to me. I think of her as a comedy Superwoman. There's something linguistically-satisfying about a lot of her work. 

I've been trying to study her style by watching 30 Rock. 

I can't tell if my jokes are offensive. (dream)

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DREAM

I use ChatGPT to generate about 10 cute divisions for the day--like 10:45-11:30 a.m.: A Coffee Pause With My Friend's In-Laws. 

They all rhyme and everything, and I like them, but I dread using them tomorrow, because I think the couple I'm spending the day with will find them too clever. There's a time and a place for humor and light-heartedness, and I don't know if this is it. But I have no other ideas for how to segment the events of the next day, so I'll do it. 

The titles even discuss a medical problem one of them has, which, I fear, could be really too much. That would be an entire other layer of complexity to the humor. I fear that it could be too personal and too fitting for the people I'm spending time with.

INTERPRETATION

I look back on this dream and laugh, because I felt the most genuine terror at this dream. I was half awake feeling my heart pound for some of it. I think it was just fear at spending time with new people I didn't know very well, and fear about using humor. 

When humor goes well, it goes really well. People absolutely love it. But when it doesn't go over well, it can inspire tremendous offense. 

For better or worse, due to fear, I usually try to play it safe with people I don't know well. 

I am kidnapped and forced into service with the Russian Army. (dream)

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DREAM 

I'm the U.S., and I'm not living a successful, abundant life. I don't have a job, and I'm dissatisfied with my circumstances. 

Then, the place I'm in the middle of applying to for a job is bombed and I am kidnapped by Russian soldiers. They take me in a truck across the border.

I'm terrified, but all they do is assign me to work as a medic. 

I don't think I'm suited to that, but there's some security in having a stable role to perform. A piece of me is actually happy with this new situation. But this was still tasked to me under threat, and I'd be working for the "enemy," so I also feel very afraid and exploited still. 

They don't give me any instructions or monitor me, so I wander around looking for a way to escape. My mother shows up, and I try to explain to her that I've been kidnapped. They probably have my passport, and I need to get it back. But she doesn't see why I can't just cross back into the US with her. I am almost certain that the U.S. will not allow me back into the country without some kind of proof that I am a U.S. citizen. But I consider her idea. 

INTERPRETATION

I think I feel kind of bummed out about not having a regular social role. And I've considered doing a lot of things that aren't a "normal," stable job just to get some kind of success with something that takes me out of the house. I don't really want to try something really fringe and unusual, but I feel pushed into trying it sometimes (being forced into going over to the other side because there's nothing in my homeland). I don't really want something boring and conventional, but I often think it's an acceptable compromise (being a medic).

A snake and a pair of moles fighting for their place in the sky city. (dream)

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DREAM

The aesthetic is soft watercolors and sweetly drawn illustrations. 

A roly-poly mammal of some sort (my best guess is that he is a mole) is fleeing his encampment in the sky. He's been rejected by his peers and must live in solitude now. 

I am a snake. I join him. We're natural enemies, but we get along. 

I help him find the love of his life in a new town. One day, while all three of us are seated someplace comfortable together, I tell them, "All I wanted was for my parents to be intelligent. But seeing the two of you makes me realize intelligence isn't everything." I guess that's what they call a backhanded compliment! I was referencing how they're both quite bright, but they do fight. 

We decide to fly back to the encampment and fight the mole's enemies--mine too. I fight my enemy with my strange snake fisticuffs while they approach theirs. I finish and fly ahead to help defeat their upcoming enemy. I have seen the future and know I must do this. But they feel abandoned. 

We're all reunited when we fight the enemy roly-poly together, and all is forgiven. 

It's nice and peaceful and friendly in the encampment afterwards.

INTERPRETATION

I can definitely relate to having to fight to claim your right to exist in a certain space. I think that anytime there is drama within an organization, you have to make a decision: do I abandon this space and all the plans I had based around it, or do I fight to stay in it and live with the sadness that will come afterwards when I remember the battle? 

But this not something I've had to deal with for a while, fortunately, so it's strange to have a dream about it now. But then again, sometimes, I think you can't afford to think about trauma until things have calmed down quite a bit in your life. So as I consider reentering the conventional work force, perhaps I am considering these memories as well. 

My hip hop love story. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm young--maybe 18 or 19, and I am in a Borders Books store. I work here, but there's also a special event going on. A bunch of musical artists and producers and big names in the music industry are here. 

I bump into a young man my age who is an aspiring rapper. I'm an aspiring singer. He's kind of into me, and I think he's okay. We get together, and the best part of our relationship is making music--either together or separately. 

He becomes quite famous--much more so than me. I spend most of my time with our baby. 

I'm talking with my mother and I describe my relationship and how I'm spending most of my time going to church now. And if he wants me and the baby to disappear so he can explore his newfound success, we'll get out of his life, and I'll never see him again. I describe to my dad that he has a good heart, but he's very childish, or perhaps mostly just child-like. I have too much self-respect to be cheated on and taken for granted. I have no evidence that he's cheating on me, but the spark is gone, so I worry. And I've let myself go as time has gone on. 

I'm suddenly middle aged and heavy, but I love myself unconditionally and expect to be treated well. I am not attached to the outcome of this confrontation. 

I meet my husband again in a Safeway, and he's surprised I feel neglected and wants to continue the relationship. It looks like I was right about him having a good heart.

INTERPRETATION

I think I had this dream, which felt a lot like a genre, hip hop movie to me, because I keep seeing news clips talking about how there's new evidence in the Tupac Shakur case. 

I'm not exactly sure where all the determination to be treated well in a relationship comes from. Maybe it's my therapy rubbing off. I did see a former therapist flash across the dream screen. I knew that was the standard she'd hold her relationships to, and I knew that was what I needed to do as well.

Social anxiety about opening a tee store. (dream)

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I've been thinking about trying to sell cute and funny shirts through a company like Etsy, or Teespring. I wouldn't be using Zazzle again. They suddenly started charging a monthly fee to use them. But I think I'd be fine with Etsy or Teespring.

I dreamed that these two guys, who were a lot like Arin and Dan from the Game Grumps, were tasked by their manager to sell tees. It felt weird getting sold this stuff through people we're supposed to be listening to. People with a message. 

Then they went to speak to someone with a lot of political power, and it felt really silly for someone known for making silly tees and slogans to have such a big responsibility and voice for the people.

I guess these are some of the social anxieties I have just thinking about opening an online tee store. 

I win a statue of Buddha with a cobra. (dream)

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DREAM

A group of old seafaring friends individually go to visit each other. They're all captains now, like in the original Star Trek. And those ships are usually in the middle of the ocean. The friends like to tease and prank each other. 

For example, I go with one lady, who gets the emergency procedures reviewed on an old friend's ship. She goes to see the captain, and jokes about how simple the procedures are, when they've actually been shipwrecked before and know how complicated it is to be in those emergencies. 

I'm new to all this, so I inquire about sharks. She says it's really important to stay out of the water and avoid them. I see myself on a scrap of wood avoiding the huge masses of white and gray flesh that keep popping up. 

"They can launch themselves onto the land, can't they?" I ask. I see a small great white launching itself onto a rocky beach where I think I'm finally safe. 

"Yes," she says.

Then I'm in a quaint, small town's shopping area with a friend of mine. We walk into a small, wooden store that sells crystals. A woman behind a counter presents us with a large case full of flat, polished stones the size of a person's palm. My friend does something very Dr. Strange-like, drawing lines in the air around the stones, and when he's done, the lady just gives him several of them. We haven't paid any money. 

I gasp and say, "This is extraordinary! How do you play this game?" 

I think it's a game anyway. That's what it looks like to me. My friend confirms it when he says, "You use your cell phone."

I look up the game right away. You have to move two slow frogs around a room, collecting things to use as currency with the physical shop owner who is giving away stones. But the whole time, a bear chases the frogs. I start losing right away. 

I don't think I'll ever win as much stuff as my friend, but I do win a stone statue of Buddha with a cobra because I guessed a phrase to go with it: "Man cannot live on faith alone." I know it's not the traditional Christian phrase. In fact, it's probably the opposite sentiment of the phrase, which is that you can't live on food alone--you need spiritual nourishment. So I look for the reaction of another friend who I know is a Christian.

INTERPRETATION

I had a dream right after this one that involved taking friends in to see an abandoned house, so I feel as though getting into trouble and having fun misadventures with reliable friends is a theme for the night. In the dreams, I'm never really in trouble with friends around, even though I'm in some suspenseful situations. And I do feel very safe and secure with my current real life friendships. 

But it's the Buddha with a cobra that really has me intrigued. "Naja" is part of the scientific name of the cobra family. And I have been trying to immerse myself in a Buddhist practice in the past year. (From what I've read, Buddhism really likes to define itself as something you do and experience versus something you believe in or study.)

Buddhism has been a curiosity of mine ever since I started taking praying mantis kung fu lessons way back in my very early 20s, but I'm looking for something more now, spiritually. My intensified and renewed interest began because I was experiencing a lot of stress and looking for peace, but now that things have calmed down again, I still want to explore what Buddhism has to say more generally. I do have a lot of Christian friends and family, so I feel a little restrained when it comes to the topic of religion. I tread carefully (in the dream, I very carefully observe my Christian friend's reaction). I think some of them don't know what I mean by "Buddhism" (which is fair), and they are scared about my leaving Christianity.

It's interesting that the catch phrase in the dream is "Man cannot live on faith alone." I believe that the  dream expresses my fear that I'm sitting around reading and meditating too much. Too many autumn walks, crunching around in the dried pine needles. It's very pleasant, but feels strange at the same time. I'm not used to having so much calm in my life. 

I guess my concern isn't so much that I have so much calm; it's more so that I'm not serving somehow, which is what I would like to do. 

The bookstore/halfway house in both California and Mexico. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm in a bookstore that also serves as a sort of house for troubled youths. I'm mainly associated with the nonprofit bookstore side of the building. I help people find materials they would like to read. 

Half of the store is in Mexico, and half of it is in California, although not just anyone can cross anytime they want to. There's some time/space bending involved, and you also can't just go willy-nilly into one country and then the other without authorization. 

I see that a lot of books on a spinning rack in Mexico are gone. Someone mentions that someone took Mexico's "divinities." (The books are called "divinities.") The fact that these books aren't in place means that a lot of rights that are in the full rack in California have been bought and taken away in Mexico. I wonder what the consequences of this are to ordinary people.

I go back inside, and go to the bathroom in California, which is out in the open, around a corner of the bookstore. Kids go in and out showering. I stand next to the toilets, getting sprayed on with fine droplets of mist from the showers. I'm gathering information from the kids. They're talking about what's happening in the bookstore and in society, and I want to know about what's happening too. In my life, I mostly just go back and forth in the store. 

I give a little advice here and there to the kids. They have a lot of difficulties with parents, food, housing, and peers. Then I go back to the main bookstore and I look at a rack of California's divinities and postcards. It's full, and I'm relieved. 

I contemplate how my degree in biology has helped me at this job. Any kind of knowledge is a little helpful, but biology hasn't been particularly helpful. I'm very happy to have the degree anyway though, just because I know things about life now. 

INTERPRETATION

I sometimes wonder just how dangerous Mexico is (how many "God-given rights" they are missing). A lot of kidnappings, murders, and imprisonments of crime lords in or from Mexico have been in the news lately. I just wonder how it is that psychopaths and otherwise bad people so often rise to the very tops of so many human societies. Why doesn't good prevail more often? 

Good's not exactly prevailing in the United States either though, as demonstrated by the troubled kids. Some of society's most vulnerable people are in crisis here. They don't even have a private place to take a shower.

I guess the theme of the dream is being content to learn about how life is, or maybe just being okay with the understanding that that's all you can do for a given time, because mostly all I do is run around gathering information about these problems. And life is certainly not trouble-free when you look at biology either, where I turn my attention when I'm done studying the two social groups.

Lots of little dreams versus one big one. (dream)

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I've been having a lot of simple, short dreams revolving around one idea at a time versus going on one, big long dream adventure. 

One night, the concept was playing a video game. Another night, it was hanging out with someone from another country and considering correcting a note they wrote in English. 

Do they want me to? I don't know. It might just be frustrating instead of helpful to hear someone nitpicking your speech in another language if you're not mentally and emotionally prepared to receive a critique. 

Another night, I dreamed about a childhood idea for Lost Atlantis in which the characters are aliens which look like humans but can shape shift into another animal. 

I dreamed about being attractive all of a sudden when I switched genders.

I dreamed about an "angel" roleplaying fetish community. I found out about it when an attractive young man beside me was getting his wings out of the trunk of his car. And I jokingly, then no so jokingly thought of encouraging my friend to join.

Last night, I was half asleep, half awake after binge watching 30 Rock on my phone, and guest star Kelsey Grammer and I were about to announce to the press that we had both pierced our throats with safety pins and everyone should congratulate us, because we're so happy. 

Could that be my sleep apnea talking? Is my sleep apnea so bad that my dreams are suggesting I could do with a tracheotomy? 

This school wants me to describe all the ways in which I am like Hitler. (dream)

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DREAM

I attend an old English school that I don't take very seriously, but I find that I am the only student in the area when an important meeting between students and staff is about to occur. So I decide to represent my people and go. 

I enter the room. There are very few people in there--staff only. No students. 

The furniture is heavy. A huge wooden table in the center of the room makes it clear that this is a boardroom. There are no windows. The lighting mainly consists of a couple incandescent lamps. There are some bookshelves with some books, fake flowers and busts on them. I review the materials on the shelves. They don't seem relevant to what I think goes on in here. 

I look at what's on the table. There are some Beatles lyrics printed out and hopelessly jumbled. 

As I rifle through the papers, a white-bearded man in a tuxedo says, "See anything you like?" 

I smile and nod. I do. But I don't have forever to linger here when I could be doing something else. I'll wait another ten minutes for this meeting to get started.

Finally, another student, a boy, shows up. I've just been passing the time playing with various plastic toys mixed in with the paper lyrics. I ask how many classes he is taking. Four intro ones. I'm talking about how great his future is, when the Beatles show up. 

The white-bearded man turns and says to me, "So, describe to us all the ways in which you are like Hitler." 

I definitely feel as though I am being interviewed for a job. Did he ask me that just to see how I'd react, or is this actually an important question I need to consider carefully? 

I guess there are a lot of things I have in common with Hitler, although the knee-jerk reaction is to say... NOTHING! But realistically, we probably both like scrambled eggs for breakfast. We both like art. We probably both like tons of little everyday things like that. So every single human on Earth has tons of things in common with Hitler! Why would anybody ask a question like that? It's a trap!

INTEPRPRETATION

I think this dream mixes anxiety about job interview questions with how I listen to a random mix of Beatles songs on Spotify all the time. I used to have an app that would record your answers to common interview questions so you could play it back later and see how you did, and it was quite difficult for me to get good results from myself. 

Download your FREE copy of Lost Atlantis 5--anytime from now until Tuesday! (news)

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Lost Atlants 5: Saga is FREE to download, from midnight 9/15/23 until midnight 9/19/23 (Pacific Standard Time): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGKSK4B3 

This is the end of the Lost Atlantis series. 

I do recommend reading the prior books in the series before reading this one since this last one references a lot of things from the earlier books, but the choice is yours! You can always download a copy now and read it later. 

***

I've sacrificed a lot for this series. Not only have I spent about 11 years writing it--it's also one of those artistic choices I've made that shocks people. A lot of people in my life dislike this series, which is fine. People have the right to dislike whatever they dislike. But I have the right to make my art anyway. The system has its balance.

Still, it would feel nice if everything I wanted to make was art that people always like. But that's just not the kind of artist most artists are, especially if they're fine artists and not commercial artists. 

I'm sometimes surprised when I hear about an artist (audio, visual, written, etc.) getting enraged about jokes or criticisms made at the expense of their art, because I wonder how they could have made it this far without having the stuffing beaten out of them by audiences and gatekeepers already. I do understand those upset feelings, but I'd think you'd just get tired of feeling them and numb them out  eventually. 

I think this upset reaction comes from the fear (or the factual understanding) that all the love you've put into the world through this passion project of yours has been misunderstood or mishandled. In darker times, I have been afraid that I live in a world without love. But as I've kept going down my Buddhism journey, I've noticed that at the very least, every morning, there are thousands--maybe millions of people that are praying for my (and your) happiness and wellness. For a week or two, I've been meditating daily to this one video, and it is a wonderful reminder about the love inside of me, and inside of the world, if I remember to look for it: 

I'd say that if you're an artist of some sort, just try to enjoy the fact that your self-expression is at the center of someone's attention, when they could be doing a million other things. I try to have a sense of gratitude for that whenever someone reads what I write, regardless of what they think of it.

With Lost Atlantis, I wrote whatever I felt like writing for eleven years, and it felt wonderful. I experimented with different techniques for writing, played with different styles, made different choices, read different books about writing, learned weird things for the sake of researching these books, and I did almost all of it with a coffee beside me at some cozy cafe--just living in my imagination, going on this little adventure. So in this sense, it's been extremely personally-fulfilling. I'm really not at all sure that anyone else would enjoy it though. 

As I said, jokingly, to a friend: I've finished Lost Atlantis. I can die now. I was scared that I would die before finishing it, but now it's complete. And that's satisfying. 

Turning back time--flying on a musical note. (dream)

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DREAM

I watch a teenaged girl abandon a baby parrot at a Blockbuster. The employees aren't quite sure what to do with it, so they leave it in a nest by the security camera near the ceiling. The baby bird doesn't even have feathers yet. 

She leaves her vehicle in the parking lot. It's a Ford Festiva which belongs to her parents, and she hates it. She walks home and tells her parents it was stolen. They're very understanding. However, when they buy a Ford Festiva again, she abandons it again at a grocery store and claims that it was stolen again. The parents catch on and are furious. 

Then actual thieves sweep in. An organized crime ring targets the family and threatens to take everything from them. 

I rewind time, and the girl doesn't give away the parrot, but raises it. It grows bigger and likes to insult members of the organized crime ring, distracting them. She also doesn't let the Festivas get stolen, so she has something to get away in when the criminals come after her.

She, her brother and her parents all have to flee the crime ring. I see them in a situation in which they all get shot, but at least mess up a lot of the crime ring's precious pottery while they're being shot 1920s gangster-style in an art studio.

I decide to rewind time again and give the family super powers. 

I follow the brother's progress. He has the power to fly on a sound. He flies to a tiny gnome in a tree in the forest playing a keyboard. 

At first, the gnome writes down everything he wants to say in a scroll; but I intervene again and convince him to start talking, because it helps the brother fly.

INTERPRETATION

My friend sent me a video of an organized crime syndicate stopping cars on the road so they can rob them, and I'm sure that's where the inspiration for this dream came from. I think that sometimes, when I get distressed during a dream, some part of me that is almost lucid dreaming sweeps in and takes corrective action so that the situation doesn't get too scary. 

I think it's easy to ruminate about what could've happened if things were just a little bit different as well.

I go to South Korea, and a beautiful young girl really dislikes me. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm in Korea with my mom and dad, and my dad is completely falling apart in a severe psychosis in the hotel room. I tell him he needs to take some of my medication. I don't expect him to accept, but he does, so I give him two of my pills for a double dose. 

I hope I can get away with sharing my medication. Can I just get a refill whenever I want, or are they going to restrict the number of pills I can get? 

To my surprise, he clears up right away, and we can move on with our vacation. 

I meet a pretty young girl and I make some kind of small talk. I'm not entirely sure what I'm saying, because I'm not saying anything profound or relevant. I'm just talking to fill the silence. Shooting the breeze. Making conversation. Being friendly.

We walk around and look at the neighborhood. It looks like a lot of young people are going to a rave in a nearby building. 

My parents and I stop and have a seat for a while at a table in a mall with outdoor seating. We share the table with some young Korean men. When they get up and leave, and I see a brand new cell phone in some plastic wrap. I don't know if it's ours or not. I think it's a complimentary cell phone that the mall leaves all vacationing people. So I take it.

We leave, and I open up the cell phone and turn it on. Right away, I see that it's an activated cell phone. I get a text from someone who is resentfully complaining about a foreigner. They are clearly quoting me. It's the pretty young girl from earlier! She's talking about how outrageous and rude and insulting the things I said were, and how I should never have said them.

I'm distracted by things we have to do in person, but I keep thinking of texting back and either apologizing or giving this girl a piece of my mind--I haven't decided which.* 

*(I just wanted to add a little afterthought here. Although in the dream my feelings were divided between speaking gently or harshly to this girl, I think the right thing to do in a situation like this is to take the softer-hearted choice. Generally-speaking, I think that taking the softer path leads to a happier life. I first heard that idea from Dr. Kirk Honda on YouTube, and when I look back on my life, I believe he's right about that.)

INTERPRETATION

I think this dream is running me through a topic that has been on my mind a lot for the past year. And that is: you never know how the things you put out into the world will be received, whether that's the things you say, or the things you do. 

That's because people have the freedom to think whatever they would like, which is a small miracle. It might be the biggest blessing in any person's life. It's amazing that you can think whatever you want and no one can stop you. But the price to pay for that is that you will be judged, because the people around you also have the freedom to think what they will about you. 

I think it's worth it.

And I think it's important not to take thoughts--any thoughts, but especially thoughts like judgments, too seriously. Think of all the ridiculous things that go through your head in any given day. There's no good reason for a lot of those thoughts, if not most of them. And other people have silly thoughts all day like that just like you. We're all just hallucinating this reality through the 3 lbs of jelly in our skulls. 

Are there spirits trying to communicate with us in the mental hospital? (dream)

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DREAM

I'm in Arizona in the middle of a patch of pinkish gravel separating some buildings in a parking lot. I see a large, clay medallion with some kind of cactus logo painted on it. It seems out of place here. I think it's lost or missing from somewhere. 

I try to pick it up, but it's heavy, so I push it however I can down a small hill to the nearest building.

I alert the staff at the first door I enter. I see that the place is some kind of combination office and mental hospital. Nurses are in uniform, but the rooms look like cubicles and conference rooms. It's open very late, because suddenly, it's gone from a sunny afternoon to a cool, dark night. 

The people on staff inform me that certain spirits will be attracted to this medallion. They tell me that those spirits will be visible through points of light that will appear where they shouldn't, and that gusts of wind that will rush through the building where there shouldn't be any. These spirits have been described by the Native Americans whose land this building is on. 

No one is quite sure what the spirits' intentions are--not even in those Native American stories. The people in the hospital just receive faint impressions of the spirits' existence, but the spirits haven't done anything harmful yet. They just frighten everyone a little. 

I go through the hospital, and I think I'm experiencing some examples of what they were saying. It gives me chills. 

INTERPRETATION

I think this dream is an impression I get of living in Arizona--the orangey-pink colors of the gravel-filled parking lot, the cactus medallion on clay, a tendency towards supernatural thinking, the blazing hot days contrasting with the cold nights, and the buildings and institutions that are sitting on Native land. 

The four-headed snake in a large, black RJ-45 cable connector. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm hungry, so I put my credit card into a vending machine. To my shock, the machine releases about fifty different food items: lots of dry packets of sauces and gravies, spices, artichokes, cantaloupes, tomatoes, zucchini bread... It's all pretty random, but healthy. 

I'm really worried about the charge to my credit card for all this. I'm guessing it will be well over $100. I had expected to get a little bag of Cheetos for $1.50. But I'm glad I have this store of healthy food now. 

Then the vending machine releases a tangle of snakes. 

I take a baby snake that's black and pink with four heads, and put each head into a specially-designed holder made of black plastic. The heads are threaded into grooves exactly like an RJ-45 ethernet cable connector. I remove the plastic reluctantly to readjust the heads, and realize I might not be able to get them back. But to my relief, all the heads thread back in place, despite everything wriggling around, and I shut the case. 

I worry about whether or not the snake will survive, and which of the heads will eat (if any), but I definitely think I picked the coolest snake.  

INTERPRETATION

I had a class in which we threaded (eight?) tiny, colored wires through a cable connector. It was a little tricky. I would get a little something from the vending machine downstairs during class breaks, but the machine was usually broken. So I'd swipe my card multiple times and worry about extra charges. And I'd feel guilty for not trying to eat something healthier. So I think this dream is just remembering and rehashing that time of my life.

Lost Atlantis 5-- now out on Kindle! FREE copies to be given away in September... (news)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGKSK4B3

Free to download for the Amazon Kindle between 9/15/23 - 9/19/23.

I decided to release what I've written for the fifth and final Lost Atlantis book: Saga. I wouldn't recommend reading it without having read the other books in the series. It ties together loose ends from the overall series. 

It's a very short book, like the fourth one. It's only 27,600 words. 

To be honest, releasing this book feels very sad for me. I spent so many years of my life dreaming and fantasizing about these characters, and this imaginary world is now pinned down to a final set of black and white words. 

I have been working on a comedic "alternative universe." I never knew if I wanted this to be a comedy or a drama. But this mostly-serious, dramatic version is done now.  

I can't decide if this particular book feels incomplete because there was more I wanted to say and I just never found the words, or if I just don't want it to be over and it is. I'm guessing the latter. 

I guess I wanted to say more about trauma recovery, but... this is a fictional story. It's meant to move quickly along a narrative arc. It's not a series of creative non-fiction essays, which would probably be a better format for that topic.

But if you'd like to find out what happens at the very end of the series, this eBook is going to be FREE to download between September 15th and 19th. Just go to this link anytime before midnight (Pacific Time Zone) on those dates, and the regular $2.99 fee will be waived: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGKSK4B3.

Just to let you know, you don't need a Kindle to read Kindle books! I no longer have a Kindle device. I have the free Kindle app on my phone, computer, and tablet. And the pages synchronize between devices.

The office house on a hill. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm outside on a grassy hill on a sunny day. Near the top, there's a huge, shaky wall I've erected. It's composed of the same stuff as cubicle dividers in an office. This is my house. 

There are bicycle rack-like cages holding the floppy walls up. Stray cats keep wandering into the area. I keep adopting all of them, but I feel guilty that I don't have a personal relationship with each of them.

I take the bus into the city I lived in in California. I get kind of lost, but the bus driver helps me. I get off at an interesting looking building. 

I look inside. There's a small clothing boutique, and a lot of closed rooms and stores that either aren't open yet or have gone out of business. I can't help but think that if this were a bigger city, more interesting things would be happening.

I exit, then look up. I see several apartments for rent by those awful companies that manage apartment rentals for property owners and do nothing for tenants. And I realize I don't miss this place like I thought I did.

I see some people crossing the street to get on the bus and realize I'm on the wrong side of the road to get back. I run across just as the bus arrives.

INTERPRETATION 

I definitely have some wanderlust these days, but I think more about moving someplace new rather than just traveling to someplace new. 

I like where I live. It's nice. But it gets boring. I think the shaky walls of my home represent a sense of only being in a temporary home. And the large number of cats I'm taking care of in the dream might represent feeling kind of overwhelmed when I think about the home. I kind of waffled back and forth about wanting to be in that different city in California in the dream when I thought about the hassle of finding a place to rent. 

Still, I often think about what living in a bigger city again would be like for me now at this stage in my life, with my cat and my health conditions.