Oh, melatonin. (dreams)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm at home thinking about my deceased mom. Then, all of a sudden, my memories of her lying in bed with her jet black hair pouring out behind her become real. My mom is there in the room talking to me. At first, I think it's a dream, but she persists throughout the day, giving advice and saying kind, wise things. It's an unbelievable miracle!

Then I'm called by a school bus driver to manually remove my cat, because she's fighting with another cat. I do pick up the cat and put her down somewhere else. 

Then I meet a girl who I think is great. She's very friendly and supportive. I walk barefoot across a beach city downtown in California to drop off a resume. The girl walks in sandals doing the same thing. I return across the board walk. There's broken glass everywhere now and it hurts my feet. 

I return to a TV show. In this TV show, the girl who used to be so kind and supportive is cruel, and I find out that my mother is actually a commercialized attempt to bring back people from the dead. 

I remark afterwards that it went from a 4 star movie to a 2 star movie. The girl thinks I'm crazy. She thinks the show was great! 

The director of the movie comes out and begins to mocks me relentlessly. I try to escape, but he and the cast keep following me, imitating me as though I'm a jerk. I don't know why they can't see why I'm upset. 

Then I realize I'm in a time loop, forever destined to relive these moments in a haze of confusion, never to fully understand. Forever destined to believe my mother is alive as a supernatural miracle, only to find out she's a Frankenstein's monster.

INTERPRETATION

I've only just stopped taking a medication that was giving me horrible anxiety and insomnia, so I've been giving myself a little boost with melatonin at night. I think I had such a deeply offensive and upsetting dream because melatonin dreams are just weirder. I've also had some really nice, fun dreams on melatonin recently, like a dream in which I was in college, and everyone in the class had to make a fun YouTube reels type of short video as an assignment. The five or so people I watched and experienced what they experienced were so creative. 

I very much so wish that my mother was still alive. When she was alive, I always knew that someone out there would support me, no matter what. I no longer have that. 

I think the time loop is panic that the pain in life will never end.