My first memoir is out right now! Free eBooks this Friday through Monday! (news)

Amazon.com: Driven to Hollywood (The Naja Tau Memoir Trilogy Book 1)

My very first memoir is out right now for the Kindle! You can download this eBook for free any time from this Friday 8/21/26 to Monday 8/24/26. 

This book is the first in what I intend to be a three-part series of snapshots and impressions from my life from my earliest memories to about age 35. 

The first book talks about my childhood and then it goes into a road trip I took to Hollywood, California from my hometown of Anchorage, Alaska. 

I sometimes read portions of my memoirs at a creative writing open mic, and the response I usually get is, "Funny, and sad." 

It's going to be free. You've got nothing to lose by adding it to your collection!

My intestines fall out during my birthday party. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I'm playing a video game, when I notice that a large, fleshy tube is starting to push its way out of my stomach. But I feel fine. I ask if we can still go to the party. I don't know what else to do. One of my friends says yes, and no one else knows, so we all go to the hall to celebrate. 

But I confide in a nurse friend as well, and she's very concerned. 

We open presents. We're about to eat cake when I worry about whether or not my body can handle food. My nurse friend shuts the party down. That was enough. It's time for me to go to the hospital. 

INTERPRETATION

This is how I feel in real life. I've developed tardive dyskinesia, which is a movement disorder caused by long-term antipsychotic use. And I feel like I have to go to work, be pleasant, and carry on with my life--all while my "intestines" are falling out. And I wish I could just press "pause" on the party and get someone to fix it, but it's been 5 months of treatment after treatment, and I'm losing hope.

Godzilla is outside my trailer. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM 

I'm in a small trailer with a huge window to the city outside. I see Godzilla starting to come down the road. I'm scared, but I'm not that scared. I'm scared, but I'm not going to run. I'm going to seek shelter indoors and hope I'll be okay. 

I open a door. I see my black cat in the distance. I call for him. He comes towards me--a huge relief! I pick him up and put him inside. 

Then my little four-year-old cousin comes by. I let her in. She lets in about 3 of the neighborhood kids. I shoo all of the kids out. 

"Don't let anyone else inside my house!" I chastise. She looks like she feels bad. I shut the door on her as well. 

I feel the vibrations of the monster's footsteps. I can see him right outside my window. 

I go to my mother's pincushion. I realize she's dead and I don't need those sewing materials anymore. I pick them up to throw them away. One of the pins pricks my finger. I pull it out. It bleeds a little. 

A song begins to play in my head. It's only got one line: "Some people shouldn't have hopes and dreams." 

INTERPRETATION

When I think of Godzilla, I think of a big, big problem--like a natural disaster type of problem. I'm facing a lot of BIG changes right now. Changes in where I live, in employment, changes in my opinions about stuff like having children. I had been hoping for a change in my relationship status, which didn't happen. And that's why I think is why I dreamed about such a depressing song. 

I think I shooed the children out because I fear having children. What if I would be a terrible parent? What if the child is too intrusive, stepping on my limited resources? As a waking person, I know the right thing would be to let all the children stay in the trailer. In fact, I should compel them to stay in the trailer. Godzilla looked like he was looking for movement in the streets. But in the dream, it only felt natural to want that trailer space for myself, my cousin, and my cat. 

But I'm not running from my problems--or I don't feel as though I am. I'm just hunkering down for a little while. It's going to take patience sort all of this out. 

Another epiphany. (rants)

Image by Midjourney

I've had another epiphany recently. It's one that makes me want to create a new rule for myself. 

I'm not in a romantic relationship. But if I were to be in one, I would have to be really careful about who I talked to about it. I wouldn't want to broadcast specific, detailed information about it to a general audience. Because if the people I told had bad judgment or misunderstood the situation, I'd be giving someone incompetent the power to influence my feelings about my partner. And my feelings about my partner would already be really running high. 

Also, if I were to complain about my partner, the instant reaction that would get me is, "Leave them!" But conflict can be a very good thing. It can be a sign of a healthy relationship. 

So I want to keep any current relationships relatively private. Once the relationship ends, I think all bets are off. But for me, I think a current relationship should probably be spoken about with trusted people only. 

So if I want to talk about my feelings about a current relationship in art, I want to keep it pretty highly abstract.