Visiting a giant hippie house. (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I show up one night at a huge, home-like building lit with incandescent bulbs to meet with a friend. He's found the people he wants to dedicate at least the next several years of his life to: they're right here in this building all around us. I find him at one end of the building, and he greets me enthusiastically. He looks so happy to be here. 

We walk through the building, and he seems so passionate about the place. I meet with another friend, and we go off together to explore the place. There are cafes, stores, booths that sell crafts, and places to sit and talk. There's art on the walls. All around us, people are having interesting conversations--mostly philosophical in nature. Some of these conversations contain controversial content. But although it's uncomfortable sometimes, it's also fresh and on the cutting-edge of modern thought. 

A girl with pink hair comes up to me and my friends and seems like she's going to get in my face about something that really doesn't have much to do with her, and I'm intimidated, but she doesn't end up doing much but flash her attitude. 

INTERPRETATION

I discussed this dream with the friend in it, and he helped me realize that this dream is probably about the motorcycle violence inflicted on my car not too long ago. Because of that incident, I've been really considering just how badly I want to leave the house to get a cup of coffee. I associate all this hippie stuff like what was in the building in the dream when I think of my coffee shop habit. There's a little bit of danger when I decide to go out to this kind of place (the girl getting in my face in the dream and the motorcyclist in real life). 

Although it's tempting, I cannot allow myself to live in fear of leaving my house. Although there are always risks, it's not a war zone where I live--thankfully. A lot of the world is an actual war zone right now, which is tragic, and I'm very sorry it's happening. But I, personally, have a lot of freedom right now, and a pretty reasonable amount of safety, and it would be very sad not to appreciate and exercise that freedom while it's available. Because unfortunately, it's not available to everyone, and it's not guaranteed. 

Making cookies for school. (dream)

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DREAM

I go to work at a restaurant, and I'm very, very interested in the customers' opinions about things, even though it gets busy. I duck my head into the kitchen and when I come out, the dining area is exploding with customers. 

Then, I'm taking a class in which I have to bake cookies. I start off assembling some perfect lavender cookies for the morning round. But I have a second, later round to assemble too. I go through the pantry to see what kind of ingredients I have for a different type of cookie. I take out some things and start to think that I might be able to do some kind of "Western" themed cookie, but then I realize that I'm missing some ingredients, and the chocolate chips I have aren't enough. 

But I'm dreading leaving the house. I'm torn between really wanting to please the class, and wanting to say at home.

INTERPRETATION

I think the restaurant part of the dream is about how I went to a comedy show the other day, and I was really, really interested in observing the audience's reactions to the comedians. Something about it was fascinating, and wild, and unpredictable to me. I never knew quite how they would respond, and I really wanted to know how they felt and what they were thinking.

Then, I think the second part of the dream with the cookies is about how I'm struggling to muster up the strength and courage to leave my house lately. Because not long ago, I was leaving a coffee shop parking lot area, and I took a turn onto a street. This pair of speeding motorcycles came up behind me, and were angry because they thought I was too slow to accelerate from my turn. So after honking a bunch, they drove up beside me, and one of them started smashing his fist into the front of my car while we were driving. I laid on the horn until he stopped and sped away with his friend. 

I called the police, and I think if they really, truly wanted to catch these guys, they might be able to, because I believe there are cameras on all the main street intersections, but I just don't think they have the time and resources to spend on an event in which there was no physical harm (aside from a few, shallow dents in my old car). 

But this event has left me frazzled. I'm getting back into meditating because of it, which, I suppose, is turning lemons into lemonade. 

Meandering through Costco. (dream)

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First, I dream about Star Trek TOS. And it's all very clear and orderly, and the storyline is linear and makes sense. We're in the later renditions of the uniforms (from the movies). It's the perfect kind of dream to write about.

Then I fall asleep and forget all about it. 

Then I dream about going through Costco to give a young boy practice with getting someone to get a goldfish out of a fish tank. The young boy develops a crush on me at some point during my Costco meanderings, and expresses it in annoyingly immature ways. 

But by the time I get serious about getting the little boy his goldfish, the father and everyone else is critical of how I felt that my mind was on other things that I needed to explore before getting the goldfish. 

A man stands beside the goldfish pool. The goldfish he's gotten out for me is the size of a grizzly bear. It takes two people to move it out of a tub when I reject it for the smaller black moor goldfish.

INTERPRETATION  

I think the criticism of the father and the rest of the crew about my Costco meanderings is how critical I am of myself for getting distracted by other things while studying. I often wish I could just order myself to sit and study for a couple hours without the interventions of videos, and coffee, but I generally can't. I need a lot of breaks. 

I've started using the Pomodoro Technique to tackle a book I have to read and write about in a couple days, and that's actually been working surprisingly well with my meandering mind. But I do take bigger breaks than just 5 minutes. Switching tasks altogether tends to be more refreshing than just taking a 5 minute phone break. 

Invasion of the gamer friend. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm watching a guy talk to someone on his cell phone. He's talking to some unknown guy who is in the process of invading his apartment. He has no idea who this person is, but the invader just seems to be messing with his gaming system. The guy I'm watching is very busy, so he just wants this guy to get out of his apartment.

The invader sounds like he might be kind of high. He's rambling in a very casual, laid-back manner, and has some good points about the game (philosophically-speaking). 

The guy I'm watching gets home, and says, "I'm shutting my eyes. I don't want to know who you are--just go." 

But the invader insists on making himself known. He doesn't leave, and continues rambling. "Oh yeah-most importantly, you reminded me of this guy!" He refers to a Groot-like animated character on a winter background. He's holding up the picture. 

Of course, the apartment owner opens his eyes. It's a friend of his. He tries to ease the discomfort between them. I don't think he thought that what his friend did was cool, but he's not going to get bent out of shape about it. 

But then I see the movie he's making. He's rehearsing with a funny, female friend of his. It's a drama. I really like what the girl is doing. I can peer into her acting process. But his character gets shot on March 2nd, and I can't help but feel that the creepy invading friend is going to make something dramatic happen that day. The guy feels it too. He's worried. 

INTERPRETATION

Relationships are complicated. Even friendships are complicated. Your friends are probably going to do some things you don't approve of. And I think what's most scary about this is how you realize your ability to predict the future is clearly off. You had faith that this person was going to act in a certain way that doesn't offend your sensibilities, and they surprise you. Now you have to consider how what they're doing is going to affect your life and your limited time and resources, not just now, but in the future. But they could always surprise you again by changing. And there's always a chance that you're learning the wrong lessons when a person reveals themselves to you. 

I think this dream is just anxiety about that sort of thing. 

Tearing the wings off of beautiful animals. (dream)

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DREAM

I'm taking a tour of a meat factory. Marilyn vos Savant is being overworked in this factory. She's indulging the tour, but she seems really stressed when she describes to the tour guide how she's working to increase the pig factory's efficiency. She doesn't stay for long. 

Then I enter a beautiful, pink room with a pond and path of concrete circles going through the water that mimics giant water lilies. There are large plants in the background. They bring out one of the pigs and take it through the pond. It's the pig is small, and cute, and to my surprise, it spreads, large, beautiful, feathery wings. I realize with a sinking feeling in my stomach that the factory must tear off and destroy those beautiful wings when they kill the pigs for food. I hate to think of the sparkle going out of the curious little pig's eyes. What a waste of life.

INTERPRETATION

This dream is about my capitalism anxiety. 

Marilyn vos Savant is a lady in her 70s who used to have the highest recorded IQ score of anyone in history. (They changed the tests, according to ChatGPT, so now her record isn't "being maintained.") In the dream, she was miserable working in a meat factory. This to me, is what we're doing: we're taking our brightest people and having them work 60 hour weeks to do stuff like sell bacon a little bit better than someone else instead of giving them meaningful, satisfying things to do in a balanced, sustainable fashion. 

What's more, we're systematically destroying beautiful, innocent animals who were meant to live in the forest and fly--just so we can eat them. So the overall goal is highly questionable.

Also, pigs can fly, which is a euphemism for miracles, but that's not what we choose to make happen in this artificially-created nightmare world. 

Iceland floods. (dream)

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DREAM

I've gone on several summer trips to Iceland with my best friend--not mainly to see my parents, but my parents do have a house here. I'm sure my parents' house is horribly cluttered and neglected. They don't really want me hanging out there, and I don't want to be there either. So I always just pass by its exterior. It's gray-green on a grassy hill with some other houses.

But then one day, I look up their house on Google Maps and look inside. It's beautiful. It's clean. It's well-decorated. It almost looks like they hired an interior decorator. I can't believe it.

The next summer though, all of Iceland is completely flooded. I swim to my parents' house. It's underwater. There's a little stoat or a weasel swimming in the flooded grass with me and my best friend. I guess my parents' house is done for.

INTERPRETATION

I think many people's parents change when they move out of their house. To me, it seemed like my parents were happier, and they weren't hurting anybody (me), so in my mind, they took on a cute, harmless old couple quality that they didn't have before. 

But that time has passed for them (the house got flooded) since my father has passed away. 

The next day, I was supposed to wake up early, but I had a series of dreams that attempted to persuade me to stay in bed. There's something a little creepy about your own sleep trying to lure you into staying with it when it's in your best interest to leave. 

How could I be so wrong about making pancakes? (dream)

Image by Midjourney

DREAM

I watch this freshman college kid give an older woman dictation. He rattles things off quickly, just assuming that she's going to record all of his long, extremely detailed notes for him. She does take some notes, but they're pretty much her own, and at times, she crosses her arms and doesn't do anything. He doesn't notice. He just keeps talking. 

At first, she thinks his arrogance has made him dumb, despite how smart his notes are. Because he's not paying attention to what's going on with her. But when he finishes, the notes the woman took turn into a beautiful stack of strawberry-filled pancakes with whipped cream. The gaps she left in the notes turned into areas where strawberries are. 

Did he plan this? Because he's not at all surprised, while she's shocked.

INTERPRETATION

I think my insecurities about being too dumb to accomplish anything are rising to the surface.

I transferred to a local STEM school after I recovered from my first major schizophrenic episode, and I met the kid in this dream there.

He was the lab assistant. I went up to him with a question about the directions, and he angrily looked up from doing his own homework and said, "I can't read the lab for you--you have to read it yourself!" 

I was very angry, but I realized almost immediately (and I don't know what tipped me off) that this was probably a gifted kid with overexcitabilities and social problems, which I am not used to dealing with except with my dad. I am used to gifted kids being really nice, but I know that "profoundly" gifted kids are rumored to struggle to fit in. 

Later in the semester, I was still pissed off about this incident, and I was in a professor's office in which this kid was a student. The professor just happened to have some of this kid's work on his desk. I looked over and was like, "He better be really fucking gifted. It would be so easy to get him in trouble for that lab thing." 

Perfect scores on a hard quiz. I was like, "Shit, I was right. I can't get this dumb smart kid in trouble for being angry and confused about why he's surrounded by idiots. It's like a disability."

Unfortunately, my brain doesn't really process STEM subjects well. Whereas some people work perfectly well with the gaps in knowledge that textbooks leave (turning into strawberries in the dream) those gaps just inspire dozens and dozens of questions for me, and I often cannot move forward until I answer those questions for myself. I sometimes get unpredictable, out of control moments of insight (whipped cream), but again, I feel as though some people just really work well with these kind of issues. They're not a problem for them, and everything turns out well. It's a surprise for me, but not to them. (The stack of pancakes materializing out of the notes.)

I'm about to take a large STEM exam, so maybe that's why I'm revisiting this experience with this annoying gifted kid who wasn't being helpful with someone slower.