Image by Midjourney
DREAM
They come back to the apartment with a pet rat in a Tupperware container. I find that to be a bit odd, but whatever. It's pretty cute. I just didn't expect them to buy a new pet while they were out.
Then I start dancing. There's no groom. I'm celebrating being married by myself today.
INTERPRETATION
I think I've gotten very, very used to being single over the years. I definitely prefer being single to having to deal with anyone I've ever dated except one guy. Not worth it!
I think I'm done. I may have married myself.
Originally, I wrote a little rant about what I think about the people who I've dated in the past, and as you might guess, I wasn't talking about how great most of them were. That got me thinking about how some Buddhist writers are really against blaming others for our own misfortunes. I decided to consult ChatGPT about that, because weirdly enough, the chat bot is quite good at giving spiritual advice.
It just didn't make sense to me that if you know why something shitty happened, you should avoid assigning responsibility to a specific person. If you're the manager of a company, you should definitely restrict, retrain, or fire someone who makes a very big mistake. So why should you make an exception for your spiritual life?
First of all, I think blame has a different connotation than simply assigning responsibility in these texts. Blame suggests anger. And people have their reasons for why they do things--often understandable reasons, if you were to dig deeper, even with the business analogy. Maybe instead of just blaming the employee, you need to change the system they're working in.
But I think the most significant reason to avoid blaming others for your personal misfortunes is the idea that you are responsible for your own part in every interaction. And this is actually quite liberating, because it means you always have some little bit of control.
I think Buddhist writers suggest avoiding blaming others because of karma--the idea that your future will inherit the circumstances you create in the present. You always have some hand in creating those circumstances.
In terms of dating, in the past, I think I've done things to attract and retain bad people in my life. The main thing I've done is to tolerate. I think that all you have to do, really, is tolerate toxic behavior, and toxic people will end up playing a prominent role in your life. And I've reacted badly to those bad people when my reactions are within my control, making things worse. And I haven't always taken action to find better people to replace the toxic ones. So now I'm single, and I don't have a wide circle of influence.
But it's actually a really good thing. I've learned that it's far, far better going it alone than being with someone who drags you down--which, for me, has been a lot of people, if not most of them. So I'm quite happy and content with "marrying alone." And I really treasure the good people in my life, like my friend and his husband, because they're so very rare and precious.
